Although I might feel “crazy” and out of control for a little while, the journey has a finish line. My panic attacks can feel like a long and treacherous journey back to normalcy. I know I will eventually get back to who I am and the people I love. Although depersonalization and derealization are terrifying, I know they will pass. Panic attacks are a delicate dance between reality and fantasy. I like to remind myself of this because it makes the panic attacks feel controllable. It means trying not to freak out even more and wait patiently until the sensations pass, even though you want to scream and cry.ĭuring panic attacks, the body is doing what it knows to do when afraid and this can mean disconnecting from the world for a little while. Sometimes, it is to hold on for dear life to what you know is real and remind yourself the people and things around you are familiar. The solution isn’t always to relax and breathe slowly. They aren’t always a prolonging of that startled feeling when someone spooks you. I wish people understood panic attacks aren’t always just a pounding heart. I fall into a terrible cycle of panic that makes it hard to stop. This feeling and the fear of going “crazy” make the panicking worse. Sometimes, I have a strange feeling that the entirety of the world’s problems, the news stories I hear daily, are on my shoulders. Both sensations are met with this overwhelming feeling of going “crazy” and losing control over everything. They’re the symptoms no one else can see and this makes them even scarier. When I have them frequently, it’s like I’m constantly having to affirm who I am.įor me, depersonalization and derealization are the most terrifying sensations because I know they are coming from my brain instead of my body. A panic attack like this is a journey to find myself again. Panic attacks leave me exhausted and searching for reminders of who I am and what makes me feel comfortable in my skin. I’m just going through the motions with no purpose. It’s tough to remember what’s important to me during this experience. I feel detached from myself, like I’m looking at myself from afar. Depersonalization is the “out of body” experience. Sometimes, the two happen at the same time. I love traveling, but the fear of unraveling can be enough to hold me back.ĭepersonalization is a completely different sensation than derealization. It’s because of derealization that I worry about traveling to unfamiliar places. The people I love feel like strangers to me during panic attacks. The familiar is what I crave, but my mind makes seeing the familiar difficult. During panic attacks, I need something to hold onto that I can rely on. My brain is doing something incredibly strange I don’t understand and I’m stuck in my body, trying to make sense of it. Becoming detached like this is terrifying. Not only this, but things around me appear foggy and fake. I feel like an alien who was beamed down into a random house. I could be in my bedroom, surrounded by things I’ve seen many times, like my cat, my bed or my clothes. When I experience this during panic attacks, everything around me feels unfamiliar. Some of my worst panic attacks involve two symptoms no one really talks about when they talk about panic disorder: derealization and depersonalization.ĭerealization is a fancy word for feeling like you are detached from your surroundings. There are some pretty terrifying things that can go on inside your head. What people don’t realize is the physical experience of panic attacks isn’t always the worst part. They’re much more than the feeling you get when someone scares you and you say without thinking, “You almost gave me a panic attack!” Panic attacks can be incredibly traumatic experiences that happen over and over. Panic attacks are more than a sudden feeling of anxiety. These are the terrifying physical symptoms of panic attacks, and chances are most people can say they’ve experienced something close to this at least once in their life. These are the symptoms you can quickly find with a Google search of “What is a panic attack?” The rapid, pounding heartbeat that feels like a giant bird is stuck in my chest, the sweaty palms, the nausea and the trembling. When I have panic attacks, I have the symptoms everyone always mentions. The countless attacks in my college dorm room. The time I was house-sitting for my friend. Memories of my worst attacks stick in my mind like bad nightmares. I’ve had so many panic attacks, I’ve stopped counting. I’ve lived with panic attacks for five years now. To read this article on The Mighty, head here, and for additional OCD resources, check out The Mighty’s OCD page.
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